An economist is someone who doesn’t know what he’s talking about – and make you feel it’s your fault.

It’s not easy being an economist. How would you like to go through life pretending you knew what M1 was all about?

Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck? He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.

Economists don’t answer to questions others make because they know what the answer is. They answer because they are asked.

I begin with the assumption that economists have their uses. I know many of you will disagree with this, but as economists themselves say, ‘we can relax the assumption later’.

What does it take to be a good economist? An unshakeable grasp of the obvious!

The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist. The Second Law of Economists: They’re both wrong.

Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows. Of course they will never come to agreement, stated the first economist. And why is that, inquired his companion, Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises. www.uh.edu/~trdegreg/econjoke.htm

«My Dear, would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?» «Well, yes, I guess I would.» «How about $100?» «What kind of person do you think I am?» «My Dear, we have already established that. We are merely haggling over the price!» Lenke: www.csuchico.edu/econ/old/links/econhumor.html

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks «What do two plus two equal?» The mathematician replies «Four.» The interviewer asks «Four, exactly?» The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says «Yes, four, exactly.» Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and…

Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb? A: I’m writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman. «What a crummy deal!» The man complained. «I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman.»…

An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were arguing about what was God’s real profession. The philosopher said, «Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live.» «Ridiculous!» said the biologist «Before that, God created man and woman and all living things so…

There are two types of economists: (1) those who cannot forecast interest rates, and (2) those who do not know that they cannot forecast interest rates.

The mathematician’s child and the economist’s child were in the third grade together, and the teacher asked, «If one man with one shovel can dig a ditch in ten days, how long would it take ten men with ten shovels to dig the same ditch?»  Both children raised their hands. The teacher said to the…

A central banker walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter get it. There a clerk asks him: «Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?» The central banker replies: «I’m feeling rather hungry right now. You’d better cut it into eight…

Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so. «Obviously not,» says the other. «If there were, someone would have picked it up!»

Two economists meet on the street. One inquires, «How’s your wife?» The other responds, «Relative to what?»

An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the doorframe of his office. Asked what it was for, he replied «it is a good luck charm that helps my forecasts». «But do you believe in that superstition?» he was asked. «Of course not!» he said, «but it works whether you believe…

A primary school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Kevin, you be first. What does your mother do all day?”

An economist returns to visit his old school. He’s interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To his surprise they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered 10 years ago! When he asks about this the professor answers: «the questions are always the same –…

Three econometricians go hunting, and spot a large deer. The first econometrician fires, but his shot goes three feet wide to the left. The second econometrician fires, but also misses, by three feet to the right. The third econometrician starts jumping up and down, shouting «We got it! We got it!»

Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in!

«Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase. The other policeman protests. ‘While we’re doodling,’ he points out, ‘he is making his getaway.’ ‘Relax,’ says the game-theorist policeman. ‘He’s got to figure it out too, don’t he?’» (Takk til Erlend…

One night a policeman saw a macroeconomist looking for something by a lightpole. He asked him if he had lost something there. The economist said, «I lost my keys over in the alley.» The policeman asked him why he was looking by the lightpole. The economist responded, «it’s a lot easier to look over here.»

A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read: Artists’ Brains $9/lb Philosophers’ Brains $12/lb Scientists’ Brains $15/lb Economists’ Brains $19/lb Upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, «My those economists’ brains must…

Q: What does an economist do? A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.